The Impossible

I am dusting off the cobwebs of this blog.  I have had a post rolling around my head for months.  Now that I am on the eve of meeting Baby Nelson #3 I am finally taking the time to write it.  As Jon and I prayed about what God would have for our family we both have felt complete peace about having three biological kids.  After a 2.5 year struggle conceiving Alea I thought we would never have to face the roller coaster and heartbreak of infertility.  Don’t get me wrong I know God taught me so much in that journey leading up to Alea and also gave me the opportunity empathize and ministry to other woman facing the same thing.  However, I thought that journey was over in the past especially when Nehemiah was not a struggle to have.  When Jon and I decide to start trying for baby 3 we quickly realized we found ourselves back on this roller coaster called infertility and I was pretty sure I just wanted to get off.  I didn’t know if I was strong enough to ride the emotions.  Why a roller coaster you ask?  Well with infertility you are broken up in segments in a given month.  You have highs and lows.  The first few weeks you are resolved this will be the month, you are hopeful and determine to make it work.  Then you hit the “window” and try your best to make sure everything you know to do is done.  Then you hit the dreaded waiting weeks.  These might be the hardest because your mind plays tricks on you.  Anything that happens out of a norm makes you think this is it, your pregnant.  You start to question everything and you can’t help yourself you are hopeful and even dare I say dreaming of what maybe.  Then the waiting ends.  Every trip to the bathroom you wonder will this be the good news or bad.  If it’s the bad and you in fact are not pregnant you are crushed.  I mean truly crushed.  You wonder what you did wrong.  You wonder what is wrong with my body.  You wonder am I pushing something that God doesn’t even want?  You mourn for what could have been.  You tell yourself you are getting off this ride it’s just not worth it.  You cry.  You get angry as it seems so easy for so many.  You throw a tantrum (maybe that was just me).  You work really hard to process all the emotions that overwhelming flood you.  Then you start the accent to hopeful determine stage again.  It’s not a fun ride.  I beg you if you have a friend on this ride-  love on them!  So all this to say we were on that ride again.  We decide to go back to the same Dr. we loved with Alea.  We started some medicine to help with the process.  This required me to see my doctor at a certain point in my cycle.  In April I went to that check up and was not able to see my doctor so the doctor  I did see what overly discouraging questioning the plan of actions and my need for another baby.  I left there pretty discourage and even more so a few days later when I got the call telling me based on the blood work it was not possible for me to be pregnant that month.  My doctor called me when he return from vacation.  (How great to have a doctor that cares enough to make a personal call).  I had been praying God would give me some encouragement that we were doing the right thing in pursuing this as I felt so unsure at that point.  Our doctor encouraged me so much and was very affirmative that we would be able to get this figured out.  I did ask “is it true that this month there is no way I can be pregnant”.  He said “Heather it’s impossible”.  I said “100% sure?”  He said “I am sorry but it’s simply impossible”.  As the weeks progressed I was missing the biggest indicator of being pregnant. One day I decide to take a home pregnancy test.  Up to this point I had never had a positive one (other two had to have blood test to confirm).  It came out positive.  I was shocked.  I showed Jon, he was confused.  First I was told IMPOSSIBLE, second we have never had a positive home pregnancy test.   I went and got another one and it too was positive.  I was really pregnant.  GOD MADE POSSIBLE WHAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE!!!  This baby, this gift, was by no accident he or she was divinely given to us to bring God glory.  We have already prayed this baby’s life would reflect that.  Even though it has been my most demanding pregnancy I don’t want to forget the story of how this baby came to be.  I don’t want to stop praising God for the miracle of this little one.  I finally get to see his or her  face tomorrow and I know Jon and I will be in worship to the one who gave us the impossible.

He is risen!

Easter is one of my favorite events.  It’s the essential element to Christianity.  If Christ never rose from the dead, his death would have not mattered.  If He never conquered death then He would not have the ability to conquer sin.  It’s a humbling process to think what He endured on Good Friday.  What He did for me.  The fact is He would have gone through indescribable agony just for me.  He would do the very same thing for you.  You see He has a never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking always and forever love for YOU!  Let that change your life today.  He is risen, he is rise indeed!

 

Of course Easter comes with cute clothes.  I will put this recommendation out there.  Do not attempt to photograph your children at a place with a pond by yourself.  Nobody ended up in the pond but we had some rather close calls.  Even though it was a “taxing” photo session, I am madly in love with these two cuties.  My heart fills with joy that I get to be called their mama.  I think I fail them daily but am honor still to take on the challenge to shape and lead these babies.  The Lord gave me a unbelievable responsibility and I have to lay them at His feet and accomplish it   only through His strength!

 

Wedding Day

As a wedding photographer, I have never seen a bride not look absolutely beautiful on her wedding day.  There is something about a bride on her wedding day.  She glows, all of her finest features shine.  For that moment in time she everything she dreamed that she would be.  This has gotten me thinking a lot about what we as Christ’s bride looks like.  Through the experiences Jon and I have had over the last 2.5 years we have experienced how ugly the bride of Christ can be. We could get stuck on that, we could stay there. Here is the thing, His bride is made up of sinners, of ugly people who don’t deserve to be a bride.  We don’t even deserve to be invited to the wedding. I keep going back to this song by Casting Crown.  It’s called “Wedding Day”.  I love the imagery this song brings forth. Since Jesus came and lived a perfect life, died for us as sinners,  took our sins on His shoulders that is only is why we can even be His bride.   It’s because of Jesus we can look forward to His return “The Wedding Day”.  It’s because of Jesus that no matter what sin that marks you He sets you free from it.  He dries your tears, wins your heart and tells you that you are beautiful.  Yes, you the sinner who thinks they can’t be forgiven.  He sees you as His bride, wearing white and as beautiful.  You are forgiven!  One day we will be face to face with Jesus, we will fully grasp that He loves us and has redeemed us.  It makes me excited for that Wedding Day and thankful that Christ has a bride of redeemed people because of Him, that looks beautiful on her wedding day.

“Wedding Day” – Casting Crowns

[Verse 1:]
There’s a stirring in the throne room
And all creation holds it’s breath
Waiting now to see the bride groom
Wondering how the bride will dress
And she wears white
And she knows that she’s undeserving
She bears the shame of history
But this worn and weary maiden
Is not the bride that he sees
And she wears white, head to toe
But only he could make it so

[Chorus:]
When someone dries your tears
When someone wins your heart
And says your beautiful
When you don’t know you are
And all you’ve longed to see
Is written on his face
When love has come and finally set you free
On that wedding day
On that wedding day

[Verse 2:]
She has danced in golden castles
And she has crawled through beggar’s dust
But today she stands before him
And she wears his righteousness
And she will be who he adores
This is what he made her for

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
When the hand that bears the only scars
And heaven touch her face
And the last tears she’ll ever cry
Are finally wiped away
And the clouds roll back as he takes her hand
And walks her through the gates
Forever we will reign

[Chorus]